mylife

2011-02-20T00:40:00.002+08:00

Kalau mungkin hati ini dapat dibaca.Tak mungkin begini jalan ceritanya.Aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu.Aku lesu.Aku lelah.Aku hanya dapat berserah.

2011-02-17T18:06:00.003+08:00

You just don't get it.
I need you more than anyone else right now.

2011-02-17T17:59:00.002+08:00

I think it's someone else.
Just tell me the truth even if it hurts.
Cos I think I'm one of those DOUCHBAGS.
Just tell me the truth even if it hurts.

Stop mindfucking me.
Stop breaking me apart day by day.
Stop making me hope that you'd come back to me.
When your heart has someone else.

2011-02-16T12:45:00.003+08:00

Diri bagai tak punya arah.
Aku sudah tidak menentu.
Ke mana arah yang harus ku tuju.
Kalau kau masih rindu.

Semalaman ku tangiskan kamu.
Semalaman ku mimpikan kamu.
Semalaman jua ku tak bisa lelapkan mata kernamu.

Di mana perginya dirimu kala ku selalu ada di sini menanti.
Apakah dosa besar ku terhadapmu?
Jika ini balasanmu ke atas kecuaianku.
Jelaskan padaku..

2011-01-16T01:28:00.002+08:00

I know i've not been nice to you.
I realized that time has made me taken advantage of your presence around me.
I never thought I'm evil to just leave you alone there.
God knows what's going on over there...

Sometimes I wonder how it's like being in your shoe.
And I just stare at the empty wall in front of me thinking of you.

I get so worried when you cry on the phone.
I feel so useless that I cant even do the simplest thing in the world for you;be there for you.

For all those times that you listened to me bragged.
What have I done?

The past few days has woken me up.
I wanna tell myself everyday that i must show some appreciation.

Action speaks louder than words.
So now,here I am trying to make a change.
For myself,for you and us.

I love you.
I really do.

I wanna know more about you.
I wanna listen to whatever that you have to share.
I wanna rub your back when you are in pain.
I wanna massage your feets when it gets swollen.
I wanna help remind you everytime when you forget.

I wanna be your medicine.
I wanna be your cure.
I wanna be everything that I could be for you....

I love you Miss Mindfucker.

2011-01-16T01:17:00.001+08:00

Im happy you came into my life.

2010-10-28T03:15:00.002+08:00

we messed up.
yet we have to grow from it.

we were young then.
now we have to learn from it.

the truth.
the past is still haunting me.
but with strength and willingness i learn that life has to go on no matter what.
u give me strength.
u raise me up.
u build up my foundation back again.

im happy where i am right now with u.
im happy my mondays are off the blues.
i dont need to thank God that its friday cos with you its always the weekends.

you were never wrong about keeping my mistakes aside and let life move to where we are now.
mistakes will always be mistakes.
time cannot turn it back to something else.

im really happy where we are now.
im really happy that ive got u.

alpha and omega.
punkrock plus jackass.
6+8
our weaknesses.
our strength.
our friendship.
our love.

i was pampered.
pampered by u.

I love you Miss Mindfucker.

2010-06-11T12:50:00.002+08:00

Let me write a song for you.
To let you know how much this actually means.
I hope you'll love it.
Like how I'll always wrote for you.

Now let me sing it to you.
Cos these words aren't for anybody else.
A song I've written.
Dedicated to you.

Far away.

2010-06-11T12:41:00.002+08:00

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember.
The way it feels to be alive.
The day that he first met her.

Good night .
Good night .

2010-06-11T12:17:00.002+08:00

I think I better leave right now.
Before I fall any deeper.
I think I better leave right now.
Feeling weaker and weaker.
Somebody better show me how.
Before I fall any deeper.
I think I gotta leave right now.

2010-06-11T12:09:00.001+08:00

Sorry I can't always find the words to say.
Everything I've ever known gets swept away.
Inside of your love......

2010-06-11T10:40:00.001+08:00

Now roaming through these darkness.
Im alive but Im alone.
Part of me is fighting this.
Part of me is gone.

2010-06-11T10:22:00.002+08:00

I'll be there as soon as I can..
But I'm busy mending broken ..
Pieces of the life I had before..

2010-06-09T02:27:00.002+08:00

What if those memories would come back.?
What if our time didn't end there?
Will it be better for us to stay?
Or will things just remain that same way?

2010-05-21T22:27:00.002+08:00

And as Im seated down here.
Resting my head on the sofa.
Im thinking of what's to be written next.
I strummed the guitar.
With the sounds of a broken note.
I don't seem to get the right tune in place.

My words were numb and bare.
It seems the air is different tonight.
I remembered your smell.
And i wish i could smell you tonight.

It's not working this way.
We both cannot communicate.
It's like we always say we don't agree much.
Our different views may one day separate us.

And as we walk out the door.
It seems none of us would turn back.
I'd cried if i see you again.
And i hope you feel the same way too.
I may have done the wrong things in life.
And that remains as it is.

I know i never say "i miss you".
I know i always wait.
I guess i may never have the chance anymore.
And we keep moving on....

-theBLEEDS.inc

2010-05-18T09:44:00.002+08:00

i don't share my problems with anybody.but keep it to myself.. and its eating me inside..

but you..yes you!who else..show it to the whole world..
cool enough..

first..was abt me having uti..so you want to make it a point i have a lot of sex partners.?go la...tell the world..in the end it was due to urine retention...

now you're telling the whole world about our probs...tell you what..you are enjoying the attention..continue as u wish..

people dunno the whole story..so lie all u want about it..

i didnt cheat..i dont go around fucking other girls..and thats the truth..
i dun see us going anywhere..you never tell me anything..no communication..u actually waited for me to keep asking you till i get angry the u answer me rudely..
does the whole world know what your mum said?

hey you know what..stop protecting me..
i know where i stand..i just hold a cert in nitec..im just an assistant nurse..im no rich bugger..i have no money..im just another average joe living the difficult life in singapore..i love to do what i do..and i like it that way..i wear what i want and i dont need you to say if im ugly or what cos at the end of the day im just tied up in a white cloth to die and rot..your friends dont like me..and im the kind who can be chased out from the house like an unwanted dog...

its unfair when im not treated nicely and u want me to treat you nice..but when i do..i get unnecessary comments from you..

hey i got feelings too..i remember your existance..but you dont seem to remember that..when you need something you ask..specifically ask..since when a diploma student turn stupid?is education eating your brains out..??

dont tell me that im running from my problems..everytime i get the "whatever" from you..
i keep things to myself..but you happily post everything ..you just have to post everything detailed things..

fuck you la!!

2010-03-11T10:06:00.002+08:00

Is it my fault that I got my life in these big massive mess..?
February wasn't a good month.Ask Afiq.
He made me laughed when I got to know he broke down in front of C.I..
But it was for real.......

Just one day,it made a difference.My colleagues saw how badly I looked one fine day.Just one day and they saw the difference in me.I felt badly damaged on that day.Like traumatized.Shocked.And undescribable emotions in me that I just couldnt let it out.

BEing my own self again.

It was a nice place to sit at.Memories that just runs through my mind.Something I just couldnt forget.Sitting there.Guessing the next colour to the lights of the bridge.Counting the number on bumboats.
Its all now memories..........

Ive not met my GF for a month or so.Like i bother counting.Cos she was the one whom wanted to stop meeting.I do miss her.But I don't think she has the initiative anymore.Shop.Shop.Shop.Thats what her initiative are for.
First my birthday.
Must I always be the one with surprises..?
Must I be the one with all the ideas?
Must I be the one who comes out with solutions?
Yes..I call myself a boyfriend.I do give surprises.I have many ideas.And I always give you many many options to your problems.But Im not the only person with the brains here.

Meeting your Parents is a next step to these relationship.Its not about whether Im gonna get married to you or not.But its a step to take to get to know your family.I can say Im stable.Im starting to have my savings.But if you're seeking for someone richer,then why pick me.?If these relationship has to be about money,then your family or worst,you dont deserve the love that's i've been giving you all these while.

I've never loved you for the clothes you wear.I've never loved you for the money that you've borrowed me.Im not ashamed to share that I do borrow money from her cos I know I'll return it to her.

I love you because you make me happy.I love you because you make me sad.I love you because you make me angry.And I love you because at the end of the day,before I fall asleep your always in my mind.

After all the bullshits you put me through,I know I'm still in love with you.

2010-01-02T03:03:00.003+08:00

A brand new year...2010..

But a wrong way to kick start a year to be coming on the wrong shift!What an idiot!

I've been confirmed like 4 days back and I'm so glad..Work have been tough though but tha;s the challenge that I have to go through everyday.
Day by day the patients get more and more challenging.It gets harder each day.

2010-01-02T02:42:00.002+08:00

a new song i heard on radio..

sang by ST12.."biarkan jatuh cinta"

beautiful words for a beautiful someone..

go and have a listen..

and read the lyrics.........

2009-12-17T14:40:00.000+08:00

Woah..!!!it's been 2 months since I last updated my blog..hehehe..
I'm on my 3rd month in the ward..colleagues had a been very nice and helpful..and I'm loving my workplace environment for now..

many things have happened here and there..it's all obstacles I can say..let them be and just move on with it..obstacles are meant to slow the pace in your life..but it's not there to stop you from what you're suppose to do..keep moving on and on and on and on...

I've started performing after 4 years..now with new people..afiq and ari..recently we performed at the Tamp Regional Library..it was awesome but the crowd were not convincing at all..but it was fine..giving myself a small crowd exposure..if ever I get a chance to perform again,I'll sure grab that chance again..

Went jamming with afiqs friends and we had a blast ..full of crazily creative ideas..they had their own song..and it was a sad love song..it was azries heartbroken song..nice!!awesome talent...

Can't wait for the next jamming session..

No idea for a birthday present.Xmas present..

I'm gonna save up for a lappy and re enrolment of my bike license!!!very very excited!!

Get updated soon..

2009-10-21T05:40:00.002+08:00

Selamat pagi!woah I woke up at 0400..damn..I think I should diarhhoea often so that I could wake up early..ouch!!! It's a Wednesday..midweek and the weekend drawing near..I got a compliment by patient yesterday and that made my day..hehehe..well hope to do better next time. some people I can't tolerate..kept asking for ice when he's having breathlessness..really tried my best to discourage him but very stubborn..but he got his rights..so whatever that you want.. It's the third I'm in the toilet..and I hope it's the clearing of my bowels after taking the meds..and ur doesn't bothers me at work.. another busy day..and I have to be careful..advices and notes to be taken down..I just wanna do my very best..yeah!good day people!!have a happy Wednesday!

2009-10-18T12:32:00.001+08:00

My Favourite Song currently..aaaaaaahhahhhhhh

2009-10-18T12:26:00.000+08:00

Miss these Bug!

2009-10-18T12:22:00.000+08:00

2009-10-18T11:58:00.002+08:00

Its coming to the 3rd the week of work..And so far I'm getting along well except for some floss here and there..

Colleagues are great and very helpful..
Let me see how many I know so far..
Abg Helmi,Ruby,Diyanah,Farhanah,Lorelei,Sholeha,Atiqah,Ting ting,Kak Faz,Kak Mas,Kak Jaja,Joanne,Rubelyn,Sis Puni,Xiawen,Hasyik,Hafiz....
Well that's all I could remember for now..

Well I'm trying to familiarize with the things around me..The environment that I've long forgotten for 2 years..I wake up at 0600 every morning and leave home by 0700 just to make sure I reach work on time..

I start work at 0800 and end at 1630..But most of the time I'll always end up staying in till 1700..

Nothing much to complain though cos I'm still "new" to the surroundings..I don't think I would complain much either..A work I shouldn't complain much about but instead instill more passion to it and keep moving forward with a positive attitude..Politics will never die..Nor will it fade away..So just as long as I know that I'm doing my work then I'm safe!

The walks I took from home to work and work to home..Hard life but just bear with it for the time being..Soon I'll do what I have to do..

Not forgetting my fitness..I've been jogging and exercising too at home..To keep my body trim and fit..Right at these very moment,my muscles are aching..hahaha.Planning to go to the gym next week a work..
Eating a balance diet to the amount of exercise that I discipline myself to do it..

KEEP IT UP!!
Not to get too muscular..hahaha

2009-09-03T05:52:00.002+08:00

now..5 mins to 0600..and i haven't slept!
What the hell is wrong with me..?

3hours to AOH!

Like i said on my FB..Watch out for the Army guys in Cowboy hats..

See you there!

2009-09-03T05:34:00.002+08:00

Eve of AOH!

I've just realized that its almost a most since i last updated my blog.Wah!!

Went to Geylang Bazaar with my parents in my No.4..And guess what.I forgot my CV clothes.Damn it!Mum bought cloths for the sofa & we went around looking for Syahmi's wear.
Bought food for sahur.
I bumped into Liyana.A long lost primary sch friend.Azri PNC.And also Shaz.

I had to book in at 2300.Thought of booking in late.But I'm left with no choice..My dad sent me.So I was in camp by 2245..Shit!Ale was early..Again!haha..someone told him to be back by 2200..He got tricked AGAIN!hahaha..Poor Ale!

Unpack my stuffs.Ate my Apam Balik..Smoke a couple of sticks..Then hit the showers..haha..

Talking about ciggs..I havent been smoking much but 2 sticks last week!awesome ain't it.?but my urge came back..

Then i was sitting around and thinking about tmrw.....

2009-08-05T22:32:00.000+08:00

woohoo!

ORD is drawing nearer and i just can't wait..

I've just realized I'm getting older cos I was wondering how old my lil bro was..(sial la..next year pri 1 sia!!)

Things back in camp is getting quite messy..things are all over the place..everyone's starting to clear their things to bring home..i brought one bag home the other time..

Love life has always been the same..ups and downs..getting use to it..it doesn't matter anyway..if there's a way..we will always find the solution to it..if the differences is such a big gap..and answers can't be found..you know what to do..get straight to the point..and NO zig-zagging..i learn that..

the truth hurts..but...what else can be done..??

tomorrow is my ORD dinner..can't wait for it..
soon i'm gonna miss the bunk,the camp,the mates...sob sob....

looking at things around me..
life is gonna be a big change..
now..its my life out there..
i have to deal with it..
the rough world..
the cruel people..
the ...
the...
whoever is out to sabotage my life..

my brother's got his license..and i'm so jealous..

gonna get motivated and get on with it soon..
come on!get up idiot..!
its time you wake up..
Cos september is coming!

2009-06-21T05:24:00.000+08:00

I'm in the mood for some Jackass Action!!!!!!

2009-06-21T05:17:00.002+08:00

Well guess what?!
I got my place in CGH..
Will have to sign a contract next week that if I'm permitted to leave camp to do so..

Last week has been in and out and in and out of camp..My interview went on great though..Was almost late but I made it..So no worries..

The new work with Didi wasn't that bad..It's tiring though..But all I have to do is push for sales..Easy ain't it??
I've earned 105bux so far..

Everything is going on fine..
But Starhub has to spoil my month all the time..My line got cut off again..Fuck Starhub!!

2009-06-10T18:35:00.001+08:00

I've just finished reading my old old old old posts.....

Now i feel no better..

The things i see from the past till now,there's no change at all.

I'm putting all the burden on me..ain't it?

2009-06-10T17:37:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry that i didn't realized it.
It's June and i just realized that its 3 months past the 2 years anniversary.
I just didn't see it all.

Blinded by problems.
Blinded by love.
Blinded by complications.

I've got UTI.
Yet i'm still not sure if it's gonna cure soon.
Since everyone might have known about it through my Facebook.
I'm just gonna say it on my Blog now.

Diseased.Crazy.Temperamental.Stupid.Dumb.Shit head.Psycho.Useless.Good for nothing.Irritating.Annoying.Emo.Coward.No money.No brain.Heartless.Idiot.Ugly.Shameless.Heartless.Jerk.

What more can i say?
I am what i am.

Flirt..Sweet talker mother fucker..

So i might be thinking...I sleep around a lot too.
I sell myself to girls..I would sleep with anyone..
When i see Pussy that means I'm gonna FUCK...

Guess that's how i get diseased.

Isn't that living the rock star lifestyle.?

How I wish I really could go somewhere and get my identity changed.
And be somebody else.

Barkers Bits

2009-06-10T17:35:00.000+08:00

Money,money,money.
Money make the world goes around.

$$$$$$$$$

2009-06-08T03:00:00.002+08:00

3 more months to go to ORD!

Counting down the days to the day that i'm going to return to my normal civilian lifestyle..
Going back into Nursing to continue pursuing what i have passion on..
to help take care of people when they are sick and let them get well as soon as possible..

See how these life would turn out into..
More life at risk..
Even mine..
Not only dealing with patients..
But also Politics at work..Girls..I mean Nurses..The female species especially...
I just don't know..

If it gets harder i might want to go back to the Army..
Or maybe volunteer myself with the U.N..
It would be a dream come true though..

Till then,i shall not think so much...

Looking forward to Dinner & Dance..
Looking forward to AHM..
Looking forward to Army Open house..
Looking forward to a job that's awaiting for me out there..

Goodnight!

2009-06-08T02:47:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling horrible myself about what's happening..Just making myself feel better by going out and treating my life like i don't owe anyone a living..
Actually i don't..right?

I'm glad PJ was patient and got my advice clearly in her head..
I'm happy the way we are right now.I don't feel like I'm being forced to say "I love you" or "I miss you"..
It just have to come naturally..She got it right..Damn right..

Unlike someone.Who tries to understand something that she doesn't understand at all..
I do pity her..I do love her though..I do wanna work things out with her..But she's way too stubborn..And just wouldn't listen..How could i do any help if someone just won't listen..right??

Welcome to my simple yet complicated love life......

2009-06-08T02:12:00.003+08:00

It was kinda upsetting bad things happen back to back..
Well i thought the thing in the morning would only be the only thing that would spoil my day..
But then,there just have to be another frustrating incident in the afternoon..

The competition was kinda grand because i've never been through this kind of competition before..
My group never got that far before..

Missed the first 2 performance..
Still..
It was damn nice..

Yenbo Je..
Emerge the Champions..
Didn't manage to catch their performance..
They even "bolot" most of the Individual Categories..
Like example,Senikata Terbaik,Paluan Terbaik,Awok-awok Terbaik & Juara Terbaik.
Never heard of them though..
But they did good..

Andika..
My all-time Favourite only manage to clinch 2nd place..
Very the Creative & funny too..
They were building these Lego toy..
Passing from one to the other...
Then the one who passed the toy would then continue with the "ragam"..
So Super-Duper Wickedly Awesome!

Third place goes to Dendang Mutiara..
Is it a credit to them?
Im not so sure either..
There was nothing much i see in them as i see in Keris,Panjy or even Chu chu Datok Merah..
A farewell treat i guess?
Well the judges verdict is final..

Congrats to all the teams that have made it!!
For brothers from Keris,Panjy,Chuchu Datok Merah..etc..
Don't be disheartened.
There's always next time..

All the best!

Hidup Dikir!

2009-06-07T10:42:00.004+08:00

Finally..I've managed to upload the pics..

2009-06-07T10:34:00.001+08:00

this song never fail to make me cry..
the giving in is so killing me...

2009-06-07T10:33:00.002+08:00

this song makes me feels so lonely..what wrong did i do to deserve such treatment..what's that she's had enough with??

2009-06-07T10:29:00.002+08:00

things keep happening the way it's happening..again and again..darn it's such a big headache..keep saying "hello" and "goodbye"...

won't you just get sick of that too?

2009-06-07T01:50:00.002+08:00

"hari ini aku kene maki..
hari semalam kau dah kene.."

so..
let's just get on with life..
i dont wanna bother you..
well you keep saying those things..
but you ended looking for me to sing to you..
what love song?
one stupid love song?
i can't do this anymore..
but i don't know why i'm tolerating this from you..

the reason Yana keep saying is..
"we're Aquarius BUK,that's why we tolerate.."
hehhe..cute one yana..

goodnight!

2009-06-06T02:58:00.002+08:00

It has been a few months that I'm back with PJ..
Months after that,she just has to slap me with things that should no be bothering us anymore..I just hate it when I want confession but they keep saying no more confession..but later keep hving doubts about me when actually it's them living their life is guilt..but I'm the one who of blamed over something I didn't do..

So much for trust and this is what I get..why should I trust then??

2009-06-06T02:45:00.002+08:00

It's been months trying to convince her that I want get badly and I wanted her to be mine..but she keep doubting me..
Pj came back into the picture..I did look for her to check on her once in a while actually..just worried about her..

Months past..things starts to change..my feelings too..I've been waiting fir liza for 4months like an idiot..and all those times she kept doubting me..about girls..

The funny thing is that when I'm serious people just don't see it..like what the hell laaaa!keep saying that I'm cheating on her when I wasn't web her boyfriend yet..but whenever I said something serious..she'll say "we're just friends what..why are you so serious?"..what us that supposed to mean la eh?I don't get it la eh..u said u didn't treat me like trash?do I like have to repeat the whole story again??

I'm damn pissed till now..I do still love her..but shea not giving me time and space..been forcing me into these and that..why?why now?

2009-06-06T02:19:00.002+08:00

Nov 1st..
I met liza..at her workplace..they were having this Halloween thingy..
Things went on..then I broke up with pj..thinking things would be better and she could have a freedom..
Well she did made full good use of it though..ok..what's past is past..it between me and her.

Things went on smoothly between liza and me..till the day that we found out that she was my cousin's cousin..damn..
After all these,she has to be someone almost related to me..like what the hell!!haiz

Things started to get complicated soon.it seems that she's not taking me serioously..but always accusing me of things that I'm not doing..
First,she intro me as her friend..then I become the cousin..I was pissed of course..

2009-06-06T01:48:00.002+08:00

My mc ended on Tuesday..so I went back to camp that evening..
I went to meet moon,wan & miZy at zamzam..
The favourite makan place..
We are just addicted to the Murtabak there..hehe

Then we went over to Bugis to do some window shopping..the place seems new..I didn't realize what have changed..
Saw Shida behind the Bugis village..hehe..
She said "so sharp ah your eyes?"..hahaha..

Then back to 2nd home..home sweet home..

We all woke up late for breakfast..haha..funny sia..it was raining..that's why no one woke up..
The 5km run was cancelled..*sigh*..just thought that I could test my timing..
I made $6 that day for cutting hair..I was hoping that I've could have made more..
But no one came after that..soccer in the evening!
Thursday wasn't that bad either..it rained again in the morning..so we went up to resume our own training..hehe
Heard that there was gonna be Route March in the afternoon..I still went on to do it though I'm having some injuries..wow!!
So proud of myself..I still manage to pull through after a year or so that I've not been marching..the last one was like the 24km..
Then I didn't do it anymore due to injuries..
Everyones jaw dropped when they saw me going down with the FBO..so funny..well..I had fun eventhough my Kakis didn't walk..
Thanks to vincent,Ming foo,Wei hong,jie Wei..& others whom I didn't get to mention..they brighthen my gloomy day..
I laughed my lungs out with them..hehe

*gonna miss them loads when we ORD in 3months time..*

Booked out..and it was like.."wah!2 days in camp & now going home already.."hhahagahah
What a life..keep clearing off..

Things are not working out..I don't wanna work it out with her..but I'm doing all possible ways to get her out of by life....h

2009-06-02T17:07:00.002+08:00

i have been on a long week out of camp..clearing off and now on mc..due to some personal reasons..

it has been a long week for me to think over whats bothering me in life..
one week seems not to be enough..i don't know i need to clear my mind..it's giving me a big headache..heartache..whatever the aching is about..it's all aching..

well i got to catch up with some old mates from secondary schools to ite..

i started being so healthy..
jogging and working out at home and around the neighbbourhood..
very healthy..i even ran in the rain..it was very nice that evening..

then i keep going out meeting my fellow secondary school friend.well we got hings clear that i'm just around to help her with her art stuff..i'm glad that we don't get any wrong ideas over the meet up..

then someone else from ite..haha..the mysterious lady..didnt know her ame till i talked to her online..then i figured out who she was actually..haha..after all these while trying to wonder who is these particular girl from CGH that i've been hearing about..finally is solved..very mysterious...hehe
we just talked on the phone for a while..well i dont think i'm going to meet her..maybe for one time to a rock concert..

then on friday..i went out with my god-sister after friday prayers..and i became the subject for her project..i'm the model..and i was stalked badly...hehe..well seh had fun making me the idiot though..good for her..and all the best on her final piece..

my bestfriend's birthday surprise wasn't that bad either..he was shocked that i was there..and she came tagging along with me..but i wasn't too sure why..i figured after that..someone's heart was broken..i'm sorry about that..well it was time that the truth has to be revealed..

i lied to a couple of people around ..here there..just to get my space..i really don't know what i'm turning into..living a life full of lies..

to those that have known what have been going on ...u deserve the credits for being there for me..

i'm in total mess..

can i just get myself a memory remover?
could it be true that i would go out there to erase my identity?i know this is too much..
i just wanna get out of this life..

2009-06-02T16:54:00.002+08:00

tell..me..what is wrong with me?is it wrong for me to apologize..?is it wrong for me to say that i'm sorry..what's got into this world..?no more forgiveness?

i just want to apologize for what i've done in the past..
my time may come anytime..
not say that i'm going to die tomorrow..
but what's the harm of saying sorry..

now im going to say it..
im sorry..
im sorry to all..
im sorry to mum and dad for not being a very good son..
im sorry my ex's that i've been lack of anything..
im sorry to myself for not caring for myself enough..
im sorry to my friends if i've ever been so annoying,so irritating,so lots of everything..
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.
im sorry.

2009-04-25T02:51:00.002+08:00

Is it hard to fall in love?
Is love always a problem?
Why is love so complicating?
To get to know.
To like.
To build the trust.
To understand each other.
Then to love.
Why is it so hard?
Get the meaning of it?

2009-04-22T08:00:00.002+08:00

170409

My life is not about what you say about.
My life is about what i do that you've taught so far.
You have no right to say what i'm supposed to do.
Cause whatever that i do doesn't concerns you.
Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself.
You may be the role model.
But are you doing the right thing?
My way is not going to be your way.
And your way is not mine to follow.
I choose my own path.
Not you directing me where to go anymore.
I've had enough with you.
Putting up with the things that you've taught me.
The rights from wrong,i know.
There's no need for you to interfere anymore.
I have my own piece of mind.
Its just my way of life.

2009-03-30T16:18:00.002+08:00

Its already the midweek and times flies so so fast.My deadline is drawing near.Its close to a month and Im not done with these one piece of work.More colours to be added,more 3-D effects to the fonds and I have no ideas at all for the background.Damn!

"Hello Bits!Good morning!"
"Hey!Uuummmmm.."
"You ok there Bits?"
"Yeah.Totally.Cool..."

I stared blankly at Sam.She's like totally the hottest alien in the office.And no one can deny that.
Yellow's her favourite colour and she loves daisies.Every guy in the office had a hard time dating Sam.Still I dont know why.She's kind of my motivation to head to work every single day besides the passion part.
Well,there was once I had to be inn the office over the weekend and she happens to be there too.She was wearing this sun dress.So,so beautiful.thats all I could say.

"Bits!.."

Finally i got out of my dreamland again.I was still there in front of her desk.I wondered why.I walked off quickly to my desk to kick off my work.Damn.What must she be thinking while I was standing there all those time for.

(to be continued...)

2009-03-23T15:24:00.002+08:00

(continues...)The road was terribly flooded.I can't see the road in front of me.Its raining cats and dogs.And I'm late for work.

What a long Monday.I had lots of tasks and assignments to do.No dinner at home.Mum had gone over to aunt's place for a meet up.I guess i just have to go run downstairs to grab a bite.Felt very tired so I just lay on my bed.

Damn!What just happened?I'm all drenched in sweat.Awoken by a loud thunder outside.The time is 5 minutes to 0400.Dinner!!!

Went out to check on my mum but she's not in her room.She must have stayed over at aunt's place.Checked on the answering machine.True enough.Its all hers.Bit this bit that.

It didn't rained so i decided to go for a jog and go downstairs for breakfast.

It was unlike other mornings that i've been out jogging.I felt a strange sense somewhere near me.A force that I'm not sure where it is from.Water droplets fell to my face.I ran to the nearest shelter to take cover.I just sat there and my mind wandered off.

My life changed since she left.I kind of missed her so much but what else could I do.I was the one whom let her go.Now she's happily married to someone who is much more better than me.She must be happy now.

"Bit!Wake up!Its 0630!"

I woke up.Thinking why am i in bed.I thought i was......Guess i must have been dreaming..

(to be continued)

2009-03-23T11:48:00.002+08:00

what is it that is true in these world?
All our sins are simple.
Be true to the one thats true to you.
but whos being true to who?
no one knows.
believe in the one whose there right in front of you.
under your nose.
at the reach of an outstretched hand.
no worries.

2009-03-23T10:43:00.002+08:00

It must have been the football match last night that I'm feeling sick today.I woke up to a rainy Sunday morning.Thunders storming outside the window.It sounds as though there's a war going on out there.

Here I am, getting ready for work though its the weekend.My life never change.I has been the same for the past 5 years.

30 and I'm not even near to having a family of my own.Girlfriend?No.Don't even think about it.The last time i had a girlfriend was a decade ago.My life now is about my work and my passion.Love wasn't meant to be between my ex-girlfriend and me.We went on for quite a long time.2 years I think.I wasn't into her that much.I cheated on her.In the end,I did not achieve anything with the girl that i cheated my ex for.She cheated on me for some guy she met at the gym.

The road was terribly flooded.I can't see the road in front of me.Its raining cats and dogs.And I'm late for work.(to be continued......)

2009-03-15T13:15:00.001+08:00

wats happening?
i rather not know myself..

things will be better soon..

im not sure how to clean up this mess either..

2008-09-28T16:14:00.002+08:00

what's left now is that i'm left broken hearted.
while you are in your wonderland.

selfish is what we both are.

but have you ever think before you say something that hurt someone especially me?
im not a friend.
did you ever filter your words before killing me with them?
i dont think you ever think of that.

its not my fault that i dont see the way you see things.
to you,you're perfect but to me,i am.
but the matter of fact,none of us,humans are.

my apologies that i don't see what you see through your eyes.

self-centred not only me.
we all have limits.
but i choose to give in sometimes.

what more you want from me?
what more do you expect?

2008-09-28T16:04:00.002+08:00

aku bagaikan tiada di sisi lagi.
kehadiranku ini bagaikan tiada yang peduli.
apakah diri ini bagai bangkai?
ataukah diri ku bagai bayangan?

aku dicari ketika duka.
kemudian kau hilang begitu saja.
pedih dukamu kau kongsi sama.
lalu kau ghaib bagai ahli silap mata.

kau inginkan buah fikiran.
aku luahkan isi hati perasaan.
kau inginkan tempat mengadu.
aku relakan hati untuk kau terus beradu.

senyuman yang hadir hanya sementara.
kemudian kau kembali muram semula.
situasi semakin tegang bagai tulisan novel cinta.
aku disingkir kembali kerana kau pulih sudah.
apa kata hatimu?
ada kau sedar kau singkirku begini?
buka mata.
tepuk dada.
tanya selera.

2008-09-27T16:01:00.002+08:00

day by day it gets more and more loaded..
can i still go on doing this?
can we go on with this?
i know we see our differences..
but who could break this?
who would want to....

saying that i love you....
this thing hasn't been a walk in the park for us...
whats on the other side of the door...??
i dunno if i could go on lying to you..
cos i know in the end someones got to get hurt..
love is a lie?
i kinda think that its true..
love is a lie...
the feeling i use to have for you..
it aint the same anymore..
it aint like how it use to be..
help me..im drowning..
i dont know if you see..
but we're different now..

love..at its own stake..
this love wasn't suppose to be a mistake..
why is there to break?
i see the differences..
you see it too..

whats got into me..?
state of confusion..
state of no point..
a state where i cant seem to make my own decision..
i have my rights..
my own rights..
damn..but whats stopping me..??
i just cant get the hang of myself...
hang myself..??
thats the last thing in mind and i dont think i got the guts to do it..

love..
getting more and more complicating..

2008-09-27T15:58:00.002+08:00

love..
as complicating as it gets..
more than it could be..

love..
what more can you expect from it..
as big as the universe could get..

love..
what is it?

love..
whats complicating it?

love..
love..
love..

2008-09-07T17:38:00.002+08:00

dear God..

2008-09-07T17:23:00.001+08:00

theres one thing about LOVE thats hard to explain..its unexplainable...:)

love is not game for two to play..
love is like a roleplay for two to commit with..
love is not the drama you see on tv..
and love is not a thing to play with..

love must come from the heart..
love we must from the start..
love is nothing but the truth..
cos if its fake..
then whats love to you?

feelings do change,its true..
to love,to hate...
does love last forever?or is it hatred?
love is complicated..
love is to be committed..
love is to be true to one another..
love is what makes two people come together..

so whats love?

2008-09-06T00:54:00.002+08:00

weeeeE!!

i came back on monday night after breaking fast at home while the rest of them break fast in camp..heard that the food was horibble..poor thing guys!!

guard duty on tuesday...
nice..
wasnt that bad..
stayed up till like 3am..
smoked till we dropped..

a super fine line up for the duties assigned..
izwan,mizy,mun,rai,raj and me..
all buddies dng the duty..

then the whole week..slack all the way..
not much of things to do cos the weather was on my side..
good thing though..everyone gets to rest..

today..i booked out with my long-4..
mizy ah ni..he got half day off..
so he went home last nyte aftr last parade and had to come bck this morning..
he was drenched wet..hehehe
so i went bck in long-4 with him..
JIWE ah beb!!

recruit...private..im a lance corporal now..
hehehe

well..got so unlucky this week..
my line got cut off..
shit!!
felt like i cant breathe without my hp...

well..
pays coming in soon..
gonna pay the bills..
and get over with debts...

haiz..
how i wish i could do sumthing about my art pieces........................

2008-09-01T18:05:00.002+08:00

i went bowling last nyte with shawal(haiz...RAMADHAN baru je sampai da nk SHAWAL??hehehe)

we played 3 games and i lost..i won only the 2nd round...
i topped the speed of my rolling bowling ball..hahaha
21.97m.p.h
wow!!
thru out the 3 games i got 4 strikes..

it was nice..
after a long time...

Saturday wasnt like any other Saturday...
i played soccer in the afternoon..
then went to meet Fiza,Katit and Mas..and not forgetting Mas's bf..
went to catch BayBeats(i didnt even know there was..)

FASPITCH...they do songs like MCR..the gore..their songs totally nice...
well that was the only badn i managed to catch..
ELECTRICO was up next but i was too tired to watch after the afternoon soccer match which end up in a draw..
ELECTRICO is one of my fave local bands..the few that i knew of actually..
PLAIN SUNSET...letme recall a few...hmmm

well today is the first day of RAMADHAN..

I MISS YOU OVER THE WEEKEND...

2008-09-01T18:02:00.000+08:00

theres one thing about LOVE thats hard to explain..its unexplainable...:)

love is not game for two to play..love is like a roleplay for two to commit with..love is not the drama you see on tv..and love is not a thing to play with..
love must come from the heart..love we must from the start..love is nothing but the truth..cos if its fake..then whats love to you?

feelings do change,its true..to love,to hate...does love last forever?or is it hatred?
love is complicated..love is to be committed..love is to be true to one another..love is what makes two people come together..
so whats love?

2008-06-29T10:50:00.003+08:00

the songs i listen to reminds me of you..
how bad could it get?
when i hear you sing it.

i just cant continue..im sorry

2008-06-29T10:42:00.002+08:00

weeks has past.
its not the same like it use to be.
everythings changed.
no longer like how it was before.
the silence is killing me.
the darkness blinds me.
where is the love that we once dream of?
where is it?
where are you?
this love has never change for me.
this love is always about you.
this love i see..
and when i see it clearly..
i see you.
i miss you so much.
i miss talking to you all night.
i cry some horrible nights.
i had my sleepless nights.
i never lied.
i never lied.
i really loved you.
i never lied.
what has it become now i dont know.
i cried a river but for what.
i wil no longer see you.
not anymore.
i dont know how if i miss you so much.

2008-06-15T09:39:00.003+08:00

Darkness.
What do you see?
A person in the dark room?
Or is this another tale of a sick love story?

I cant help it like anyone else.
But to cry in sorrow.
To not look back.
A mistake i made.
Something that i thought was nothing.
And ends up in something unexpected.

Super massive black hole(title of a song by MUSE) in the heart.

Love hurts.
But sometimes its a good hurt.(part of the lyrics sang by INCUBUS)

Why is it like that?
What makes it a good hurt?
The pain?

2008-06-08T10:48:00.002+08:00

black the colour of sorrow..
the colour that divides..
black is the new happiness..
do you see black?

2008-06-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

nothing is much precious than having someone to love in life..
to have someone to cherish your precious moments together..
what more can a person ask for?

2008-05-11T13:22:00.002+08:00

i did two poems..
one in english and now its in malay.
not exactly a direct translation..(i don't tink im gd at it anymore..)

duhai bonda
permata hatiku
budi pekertimu indah tak terkata.
tangisanmu pedih sekali dilihat.
pilu terasa membuat kau terguris hati.
mungkin pernah aku membencimu.
tapi maafkanlah aku.
kerna ketika itu belum amtang lagi fikiran ini.
kini aku telah dewasa.
dari isi perutmu aku lahir.
susu badanmu menjadi hadaman setiap hari.
setapak demi setapak aku merangkak.
langkah teratur pabila mula mengerti berjalan.
tak pernah lelah berkata,menasihati.
kau selalu ada di sisiku.
kau tenang dalam menyelesaikan segala masalah.
kau penyabar menepis segala dugaan.
musykil dengan sifatmu yang sebegini.
syukur Tuhan mencipta seorang ibu sebeini lembut hatinya.
bonda,syurga di telapak kakimu.

2008-05-11T13:13:00.002+08:00

well to all the mothers in the world..

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

specially for all of you..

once you sounded so iritating with the nagging.
you seemed to be one of those whom i hate.
but years past and time goes by.
i grew older and matured.
you seemed to be the most valued person on earth.
since the day i was born till the person i am now.
you are teh sweetest.
sweeter than any other sugar.
honey may have many cure but your sweetness is what i prefer.
when im down,you're always there to hear my heart out.
you understand me so well.
heaven awaits me when i see you.
i always have you in my prayers.
i do think of you anywhere i am.
dear mum,i love you so much.

2008-05-01T22:01:00.002+08:00

KENANGAN CLEMENTI

setiap langkah kakiku
mengingatkan aku tentang masa bersamamu
tempat yang meninggalkan seribu kenangan
pahit dan manis antara kita

tangis dalam tawa
tersenyum aku walaupun berlinangan airmata
langkahku perlahan satu demi satu
ku pandang kanan dan kiri
bagaikan mencari bayangan wajahmu yang kini tiada lagi

itu hanya pada satu masa dahulu
kini kau telah membawa diri
menghilangkan diri
berdiam diri
membuat ku merasa sepi
semua atas kesilapan ku

kesilapan yang amat mematahkn hati mu
sudahku sedari kesilapan silam tetapi sudah terlambat untuk menambat kembali hatimu.
aku hanya dapat berdoa kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaanmu di masa akan datang

kau tak mungkin dapatku temu lagi
walau rindu kau tiada di situ
walau sunyi tiada berteman
walau sedih tiada pengubat

silap
aku silap

tak dapat aku kembalikan masa

2008-04-13T13:51:00.002+08:00

here's it..
wat u think of my poems?any comments?

now im gonna do the malay one..hope u guys like it..

Masa yang lalu perlahan sekali. Langitmendung berserta hujan jatuh membasahi bumi. Tiada siapa d kelilingku kecuali teman tugasku. Lena dibuai mimpi yang indah sekali. Amat lena sekali.
Aku diikelilingi kehijau-hijauan yang jarang dapatku lihat di luar. Walaupun bagaikan sendiri, aku ditemani kicauan burung dan suara alam semulajadi. Guruh mula berdentum.
Berkali aku cuba menutup mata. Tapi agak sukar untuk ku lena. Tidak pasti apa yang menggangu. Tapi aku berasa gelisah. Pilu tapi mengapa? Sedih apa sebabnya?Apakah fikiran ini mmbuatku sukar untuk lena? Tapi mengapa?
Sehelai kertas menjadi menjadi teman karibku. Pena pula memahami isi hatiku. Mereka tidak pernah kecundang melayani ku. Sedih kah, gembira kah.. Mereka selalu temankan aku.
Jantung berdenyut tanpa batas sesuai. Fikiran terganggu tak menentu. Adakah aku semakin keliru dengan keadaan? Ataupun aku ingin satu persamaan ? Tiada perbedaan. Satu hati. Satu jiwa. Kemahuan yang sukar untuk aku kecapi dari seorang kekasih.
Teringat aku kepada serangkap peribahasa,"sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua". Adakah ini akan terjadi kepadaku? Aku terpandang seekor tupai yang cekap melompat dari satu pokok ke satu pokok. Memang pantas, memang cekap. Adakah aku akan begitu cekap? Perhubunganku yang aku luas-luaskan tidak diketahui sang pencinta. Masihkah aku menyanyangi si pencinta? Atau aku semakin berdusta? Aku benar-benar keliru. Apakah ingin kemahuan aku? Apa pula kata nafsu? Apakah jalan pilihanku? Aku makin keliru..

how is it?

2008-03-23T13:17:00.002+08:00

lonely as it is..
as moonlight shine so bright..
the air so cooling..
and its cooling my heart deep inside..
i shiver as the cold wind blows..
its so windy tonight..

tucking into bed..
thinking about what just happened..
tears wont roll down anymore..
cos tears have learn so much..
emotions strong..
trying not to fall behind..

the bed seems soft tonight..
so comfortable unlike other nights..
yet my eyes just cant seem to shut..
my mind still reminising..
was it nightmare?a nightmare come to live..?

my words my gift.
nicely written for the sad and lonely.
emotions may take over you..
but you can take over it too..

dont be foolished by love..
it may be taken away anytime..
but you should just stay strong..
because one day..
love will just go on....

never give your life away to failed love..
theres much more live worth living for..
someone out there will be waiting for you..
believe me..
i feel your pain too..

-THEBLEEDS

2008-03-01T14:06:00.002+08:00

hmmm...ive yet to confirm the condition of my leg..
i guess..for now its quite damaged..
torn meniscus and i damaged a little bit of my ligament..
haiz.. shit!!

well been playing soccer whole week...but instead of my normal place..im in goalie now..
haiz...bored though...i dunno how im supposed to play next week..against ngee ann..

whole week we had a movie marathon...lots and lotsa pontianak!!
hehehehehehehehhee

my fren brought his portable dvd player..so we had a gd time in bunk watching movies..

gtg..need to get ready now..

im hungry!

2008-02-17T13:37:00.002+08:00

well..i wanted to watch the movie alone last nyte cos my dear wanted to meet up with her frens to celebrate one of her frens birthdae..but in the end i ended up in the hospital ..and she juz had to be there..i felt bad tht she didnt go meet her frens..my dad came over..thks dear..im sorry i make u come and sent me over to the hosp..

i was otw home..walking frm the national lib..i suddenly felt breathless..then my fac became numb..like it nvr happen so bad like these before..

now my hand is aching due to the injection given last nyte..SHIT!!

well i had a good weeek in camp last week..there was COC parade at 2PDF..
i wasnt involved in the parade..hehehe..i was helping out with the stores...the ration for lunch and dinner and the water point..it was a tiring time too..the food at 2PDF wasway better at my camp..

my dear is still aslp..wel i fell aslp early lastnyte..even with a biscuit in my mouth..hahahah

2008-02-10T17:04:00.000+08:00

tonyte is the nyte!im going back to camp and wondering what am i going to do for 3mths..

for now im just resting in front of the comp and slacking..i havent strt packing my bag yet..im dead..i need my ziplock bag..gonna go out and get it soon..

i missed "the notebook" last nyte..reminded me of sumone..so i didnt went home early..cos i dun want to get tempted to chge the channel to ch5..the show is nice..a very sad love story..can even make me cry..

i gtg..need to finish doing my iPod...
will sure update next week..
shit!my RTT next week..haiz..

2008-02-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

ok..
here i m again blogging..hmmm...
thks to mas who reminded me to update it...(THANK YOU MAS)..hehehe
thks for the wish..nice shout out..and where the hell did u stole my pic frm?hehe

well..nothing much to say..somehow im coping with camp still..apart from tht..i just got a 3mths excuse from running,marching and jogging..hahaha..how abt tht..im so gonna rot for 3mths..

my first appoinment with the physiotherapist...i went limping all the way to cgh..damn it hurts..
she suspected me of having a query meniscus tear...(is tht suppose actually serious?)then when she point out tht my left knee is actually smaller than the right one..and yeah..not much of muscles is developing on the left knee..adn the knee rubbing effecct ..may be caused by the amount of fluid tht supposed to be in between the knee-cap and the knee joints..may have decreased due to exertion of force..i may need a knee op to repair the torn meniscus..but its still a question mark to them..and me too..damn!!now it does sound bad..

now i cant play soccer,i cant run too much,im not suppose to cycle but i just did..and the pain is killing me..shit!!

then recently i went to meet up with the specialist..
the xray shows tht theres nothing wrong with my bones..then he state the same fact that my left knee muscles are not enough..one knee is smaller than the other..there well said..same as what the physio told me..

im going for physio tml..ouch!

my gf is busy with her cny celebration..hope shes having a good time..and put her probs aside..
we're gonna have picnic tml..

im so occupied..my mind is so occupied..somethings bothering in my mind..

going out by myself soon...

i'll blogg again soon...maybe i'll talk about later tonyte..

thk u those who remembered my birthday..
thk u so much..

2008-01-01T15:23:00.000+08:00

its NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

HAPPY 2008!!!

BOOKING IN 7 HOURS TIME..HAIZ..WAT A NEW YEAR..WELL I GOT MY FIRST MC OF THE YEAR..HAHAHHA..GONA REST FOR A WEEK FOR HEAVY DUTY..NOT GONA USE MY LEGS THT MUCH..I DUN THINK MY LEGS WUD GET WELL SOON..IT'LL TAKE SOME TIME THOUGH..

WELL I SPENT MY NEW YEARS EVE AT THE A&E...I WAS WALKING LIKE OLD MAN ALREADY..HOW I WISH I WAS WARDED..BUT I HAVE TO GET INTO AN ACCIDENT..
HAHAHAHA..NO WAY ..

MY GIRL WAS WITH ME..SHE ACCOMPANIED ME TO THE HOSPITAL..SHE FINALLY GOT HER GUCCI SPECS...HAIZ..FINALLY!HAHAHA

DEAR..ITS OUR FIRST NEW YEAR TOGETHER..WE CELEBRATED AIIDLFITRI,THEN CHRISTMAS..THEN NEW YEAR..NXT IS CHINESE NEW YEAR..3 MTHS..ITS GONNA BE A YEAR DEAR..CAN U BELIEVE IT..??
IM HAPPY WITH U..

GTG...

2007-12-30T13:17:00.000+08:00

haiz..its been horriblee..the new camp sux!!i hate my life in ns now..haizz..i just wan to be a medic..forget it..

well i booked out last nyte..
i went for dinner with my girl at jurong east since im oready nearby there..
she had to go buy her stuffs..so i followed her..

my leg just feels like its gonna come off any time soon..
wen will i c the doc abt it?wen?i feel like goin to the hosp sooner or later..but wen?haiz...i cant take the running any more..

my girl bought my mum a watch ..aint tht sweet?heheei was shocked tht she decided to get my mum sumthing though my mum's bdae was on the 13th..my mum was thankful of it..she gave me ashirt for christmas..sumthing i didnt expect..
yet ihadnt get her anything..not even her bdae..the only thing i did was cooked for her a dish on her bdae..hmm...i feel so lucky to have u dear!!

we'll do sumthing together soon..

i just had to get things done with stupid shit!!6 weeks to go

2007-12-13T00:34:00.000+08:00

POP OH!!!!hehehehehe

finally..the days in bmt..its finally over..
im combat fit..
yet im not..hmm..i dunno..
my leg is killing me..
wats nxt?combat medic..or just service medic..
i wanna down my pes..

as long as im not thrown to a very tough one then im ok..

im so happy..

last nyte!!!MCR..was great!
i enjoyed myself..i really did...
woohoooooo!!!!

i gtg..

2007-12-01T14:52:00.000+08:00

a few more days to POP..
AND I JUST CANT WAIT TO GET OUT OF THERE!!
gonna endure my 24km march..
though my knees are like dying on me soon..
i think i really need a doctor after my POP..

soon i got time to earn a lil money..
and i got more time for home and my heart...

i need to spent time with her..
i just dont want her to think tht im lagging our r'ship..

i need more time at home too..
soon..both of us no matter wat has to turn a new leaf..
we're getting older..

unit here i come!!
POP!!!

2007-09-04T22:50:00.000+08:00

here are the samples of cards..

here are the
samples of the inside..

2007-08-18T04:46:00.000+08:00

well hello people!!

itz been a long time since i last update my bloggy.

dear friends...
ladies and gentlemen..
boys and girls..
children of all ages..(...hahahaha)

im bored and u know wat time is it...
my time says its 0448am..wat does ur time says?
"you're supposed to be aslp idiot!!"zzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZzzzz
hahhaaha..

my girl's working..and i just got off the fone with her an hour ago..
my girl?eh?shocked huh?
we're back to normal..things are settled..and we're happy..

well she's on nyte tonyte..and im so bored..i just couldnt fal aslp though tired..
guess im excited to meet my missy mates ltr at 1500hrs(singapore time)
hahahaha..and ryte now i guess im writing crap...

well actually my point was tht...(i almost forgot...)

in 29 days..things will change..lives will nvr be the same again(i guess..)
my girl thinks im leaving her..well i wont..and im not..
by nowi think y'all think im crazy..(im so excited..heheh)

well in 29 days..i am going to be a man..
muscles will grow..like real...

i know..fasting month is coming...ya..ya..

but these is the best thing tht happened besides being born in this world..and having a happy family..and also not forgetting my girl and friends..

muhammad bukhari..you will report to pasir ris interchange on the 17 of september 2007...

hahahahhahaaha..im goin to serve my national service..army man huh?hahahahahhaa
tekong here i come!!
on tht same date..mizy is goin in too..sounds fun?i guess so..cos at least im goin in wit a buddy..hmmm..not sure if we're in the same company..same bunk..

not even in yet but i already cant wait for it to end..well i only got to talk to her for a while before lightsout..i only get to see her only on weekends..i only get to slp on my bed for only one nyte..no more late nyte slacking..and i still duno how long more am i gonna take to finish my bike practical and theory..
i p agree with wat my girl says..things will change..but if we look on the brightside of it..then its not a prob..i must go and console her..make her understnd..well girl..when it comes to weekends..i will keep my words..i will meet u no matter wat..

my hearts been sweet nowadays..i love her..

2007-07-16T13:28:00.000+08:00

the quietest days is now..
now that you're not here..
i just feel so sad and alone..

when you were around..
you were always there..
everywhere..here with me..

now it seems so dark..
no light..my heart fill with darkness..

help me out..
bring me to the ray of light that we were at..

my dear..

2007-07-14T11:59:00.000+08:00

to cry out these tears..
which means nothing to you now..
i just dunno how to get on with life without you my heart..

i really miss you so much..
from the bottom of my heart..
all this is coming from deep down inside..

why love why?
why gone?why?
why cry when i can move on..?
i just cant get you off my mind..
thats why..

im truly madly deeply in love with you my heart..

why leave why?
why not see thru me?why?
look deeply into my eyes..
i know you see me..
i believe you still do my heart..
i just know you do..

why let go?why?
why not try?why?

true..love is blind..but it wasnt for you..
you're not blind my dear..
did look carefully into the mirror and ask yourself before you even do these to me..
did you even know how much you mean to me?
so lost without you..
so broken inside..
so lost without you..
i really am so broken inside..

i cant stop thinking of you..
i just cant..
i really know that we could make these work my heart..
my heart..
why my heart?why?

im starting to bleed again..
you sent me back to where i was..
a place i feel so lonely..
and i have nobody..

i was the happiest at the moment to found you..
now the saddest to be left like this..
feeling so useless..
hopeless and lonely..
wounded..

my heart..i miss you so much..
my heart..i miss you so bad..
why do this heart?why?.........

2007-07-13T13:27:00.001+08:00

i miss you MY HEART

2007-07-08T12:32:00.000+08:00

i miss you..HEART

2007-07-08T12:00:00.000+08:00

im really sorry..

its just that i cant accept the fact of us..of you..i feel so horrible about whats happening..
i feel like its my fault though u keep telling me that its u..im blaming myself for this..but then ur taking the blame again..its not only u..its me too my heart..there must be something that i do..
i cried the whole nyte for u..i beg for you not to leave..
i know ur not leaving..but its cold now between us..thats the part that im freaking out about..
now that u demand us to take a break..i shall respect ur decision..
i just duno what else to do..i just have to listen to you..
i know we could..talk things out..work it out..haiz dear..
what happen to all those times..?
baby i want you..
theres nothing meaningful in life when ur not around..
im lost..totally..
i guess i just have to wait for that moment..
please dont hurt when it happens cos i'd oways thot u'd be the last person to hurt me..
u never did hurt me before..
but if this have to happen..i just dunno what will i do..
i shall not think too much..
i just have to bear with whats going on..

take care my heart..i love you

2007-07-05T22:10:00.000+08:00

another day that i get to update my bloody blog..
well..ive been busy with werk and got no time to update..

hmm...it was rocky a few days back..about my heart and me..but we managed to talk it out..feelings can just change like tht..and im afraid of that..seems like our honeymoon period has ended..and its time for us to learn more abt each other..solve each problem together..laugh at each other..talk and understand..and make things work..

ive been getting worried abt her this few days..i dunno why..

well yesterday i surprised her when i showed up at her workplace..she was smiling and im glad to see tht smile of hers..i actually wanted to have dinner with her..but it was hard to contact her cos i forgot to bring my hp..damn it..but lucky i made it to fetch her after werk from her workplce..(im missing her now...i miss her smile)

well its my turn to be crazy for her now..show my passion..show my affection..show my care and concern..hmm...but not too much..if not i'll get too serious and im so screwed..(im so in love with her..)

theres nothing much thats been happening around me..de menace is still apart..

my world has been me and p.j all this while..werk..werk and werk..

i have to ease up..relax..and calm down..

all i can say now is that...im so serious abt her..and im afraid of losing her..we have so much difference..but i have to have patience in these..

love you heart..

2007-06-26T21:07:00.000+08:00

hello there!!

today , itz 3mths 1day...what is it?
well...me & p.j..
love her!!
muackz!!

been busy working whole week..
work has been fine for me..love my new job...nothing much to complain about..

brothers..no change..divided still..hmmm...
wonder what jay is doin in camp?

sisters..i just got to know tht theres sumthing wrog among the girls too..
haiz ..

whats happening to the group of people tht i use to know..?
the one!
hmm..i think i remember this one-"one say, one way"
what happen to that guys and girls?

cant wait till jay book out this coming friday..would wanna ask him about camp..

khalid was finally discharged..none of us knew about it..tau2 je si musibot tu da kat ruma..hahaha

and when am i gona pass my bike..haiz..thinking about it makes me stress...
i just wanna get my freaking license..so it'll be easy for me to get my ass to werk!!!

to my brothers and sisters who happen to read this..blog hop ke...hmmm..
till when will this last?till one of us die..then u guys will realize how important frens is?and tht unlucky deceased still didnt get the chance to see the group back to one?isnt tht unlucky enough..??people..this world is only a while..brothers and sisters like us dun deserve to turn to enemies..we only to be tht one group tht we use to be..one big happy family..
come on people..wake up and realize...we need each other..the longer it is like this..the worst it'll become..realize now when itz not too late yet.....
u guys know what im talking about...
please..this is for the sake of all of us..

2007-06-15T18:47:00.000+08:00

im not well today(so as my heart..i hope she's okay..vomitting..im worried)..got a ride home again in the ambulance after sending one patient home..

okay people..i've been good..not late for 2 monkey days..DISIPLINE!hahaha..

didnt went for friday prayers(opps!!)..it was raining heavily this morning..
we made it thru..pick the first patient of the day..to NUH..
i feel so weak..coughing too..

after fetching the 3rd patient..i went for lunch..then we went back to office..i had a good sleep in the office..

1515..had to go fetch patient..as per normal..they were all busy..so call..hahaha..
i brought my bag along..as instructed by abg Lan..

today the cute missy was on duty..shorty..wonder how old she is..hahaha
sorry HEART..just joking abt it..u know i love u..

abg Azmie was still not well..he ask me to check his blood pressure in the ambulance..so i DR bukhari...hahahaha..took his b/p...

didnt get to meet my heart today..shes not well..and so m i..worried about her..one by one..one after another..mayb its her immune system not used to ward yet..poor thing heart..take care of yourself..

shall see you tmrw..go out with my family la?hehehe..

jay went in today..gonna miss him...hilang tempat mengadu..hmm...
when izit gonna be my turn to go NS!!

2007-06-12T18:59:00.000+08:00

wei!!!
its oready my 2nd day of work..
nice place to work..
5days a week..
half day on saturdays..
sunday off..
working hours??guess?..office hours la..hahaha..
how to get?hehehe..
im glad i found this job..at least i dont lost touch with my nursing..hehe

i started work yesterdae at 9am..i wasnt late...surprisingly..i reached work at 830am..
my first patient for the day..collection time 930am..we were a bit late cos i had to sign my contract before i could start work..
first destination..CGH!!
hahaha...sent the patient for an appointment..
there 3 of us..
the driver-abg hizad
ambulance responder-abg azmie
me??same la ambulance responder..hehhe
so the both of them became my teacher..they're just totally crap people..the 3 of us nvr stop laughing..
patient>appointment..
us>makan time!!hahaha
so we went to makan at the hospital at the cgh..there,the two of them just cant stop joking...they did mention..doin this job,dont ever be so stress..just have fun but don't play around..well i get wat he meant..im gonna do my best..i so love this job..
so after that we got to fetch 4 more patients..all to different locations...my first time in the ambulance...itz a smooth ride..hehehe..
sgh..ttsh..all saints home..the other was frm home..dialysis centre..
all i got to do is..some paper work..and transferring of patients..nice??totally COOL!!
KAWABANGGA!!
i finished work at 715pm..abg azmie got a bike..i think abg hizad got car..but he was gonna watch a movie..so he left his car there and walk over to the cinema nearby..
end of first day..

**i went to visit khalid at the hospital..not awake yet..stilll drowsy after the op..well he was on sumthing last nyte..hahhaa...drugS!nolah..on medication..poor thing khalid..p.j ask me to sent my regards..but he wasnt awake dear..so he didnt get your regards yet..**

de menace went to jb last nyte..and i....happily went home..

today..i felt tired..
woke up and i was almost late for work..but i wasnt..750am..woohoo!!
my first duty at 830am..
today..im the ambulance responder..and abg azmie is my driver..
my first duty..just the 2 of us..it started raining after we fetch our first patient..sent to nhc..then we head back to the office..
and u noe what..i spent the nxt 2 freaking hrs sitting in the office..reading newspaper..listening to the radio..hahaha...lepak kn!!??
we fetch another patient for dialysis..then i got anoder 4hrs in the office..we bought our lunch..then head back to office..
makan..sleep..smoke..pray..
RRRRRIIIIIINNNNGGGGGG!!!!
time to pick up our patient back home..n i get to go home in an ambulance..
COOL HUH?hehehe

so im home early today..

im eating my biscuit..

the office..(i'll take more soon..)

2007-06-06T19:27:00.000+08:00

MY HEART

us at RIVERMAYA

US AT FORT CANNING PARK

SHE'S WALKING UPWARDS????

2007-06-06T18:52:00.000+08:00

thts my one n only example for now..
will post sum more soon..

2007-06-06T18:42:00.000+08:00

2007-05-30T10:55:00.000+08:00

well.i had a good talk wit jay the other day..
very long talk..til it was 5 am then we went home..
all about frens..and purely abt it..
i miss the whole lot together..
after wat happened 2 mths plus ago..
things was hard for the neutrals..
jus wondering wen is this gonna..
???????????????????
long time since i ast saw fyza..katit..

grad day da lepas..n ive finally graduated..
nice to be a graduate..i dunno how to feel it actually..
now im partialy into the real world..REALITY!!
scary though..

well i spent my nyte out last nyte with my SWEETHEART..
thought my grand parents were at home..
but wen i reach home this morning..my bro was slping by himself in the living room..
i m actually slpy now..but i cant slp..
goin bowling soon..hahahahahahaa

2007-05-15T14:21:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!!

2007-05-05T12:07:00.000+08:00

hey today is the 5th of may 2007..2 mths after my bdae!!haha..yet like any oher day..im oways bored wen im logged in to the net..checking my mails but theres nothing to read about..all junks!!

one mth past so fast..my heart..no big deal though..but so far im happy wit her..both of us has been busy wit werk..yet..i dun mind n she dun mind..cos we noe tht we're gona go out some day..understanding?yesh..a BIG yes!!hehehe
we only meet like twice or times a week..tht depends on how many days i work in the morning..well im left wit a few more daes..den im done wit werk..so long polar!!

planning to really clean up my house wen my parents are out to kelantan..n sure im gonna have so much fun wit my siblings..freedom..like we nvr ge before..gona do a cleanup job for two days before the movie marathon starts...

well anybody wanna join?hahaha..text me up...bring foods and stuffs..we're gonaa have so much fun..brothers and sisters are invited!! hahaha..my siblings would be out for sch..and im gonna be home all alone!!hahaha...

MOVIE MARATHON STARTS ON WEDNESDAY(end of may tht is..)

my brothers aint back together yet..duno wats the next step..haiz..

hey people..im probably gonna spend my RAMADHAN and SYAWAL in the jungles..hahaha..everybody got theirs but me...not mine yet..n guess my gf's gona miss me alot..
(hey gerl..i wont turn gay ok..dun weri..hehehe)

i miss all!!

i miss de menace!!
i miss playing soccer on sunday!!
i miss my twin..
i miss hospital work..
i miss the gf's ..(sara..saniah..shila..muz....who else?did i miss out anybody..)
i miss slacking till late at nyte..or like ayid wud say-wee hours..hahaha
i miss the good old me..
i use to have lots of time to camp and get under the sun..get so tanned..i missed all tht..

and ya..one week..last week i wen to j.b wit man and wal..sara and saniah was out wit us too..well we had some good laughs at each other..hahaha..i was having a stomach flu but still i made it for the whole trip..hehehe..some minah malaysia are just so adorable..(sorry dear2..just blogging abt it..)lotsa walking tht day..man and me ended up walking frm tampines to home..

the next day saniah complained abt her dvd being damn pirated..hehehe..too bad gerl...it is pirated..so just bear wit it..hehehe...maybe nxt time we go sum other plce to get better dvd's...

well gtg..
taking care people!!

2007-04-17T14:11:00.000+08:00

well dear ejah..im happy to hear from u..thats all i want to noe that ur doin fine and all..
i shall not talk much abt u..we're just total strangers now..
history closes..

p.j strts werk yesterdae..her doom's day..but she finished fine..my gerl's a missy..hahha..well..i followed her home..she got her shower and chnged..we went out for dinner..we went arnd walking jurong point..

she loves nike i like adidas..but one true similarities...we're ruckaSS..a missy and a missy..
i hope things werk between us..

sagitarius and aquarius(i dont believe much in stars)we work well together..thts wat the stars say..but i only GOD shall make things werk while i plan..

we wil werk for it p.j...hope GOD opens ur heart to my religion..love u syg..

frens and frens..i love y'all..thks for accepting her in da group..well..for the first time i get to hangout wit my gf and u guys..finally a very understanding GIRLFRIEND..

im happy for u man..getting into poly..im so proud of u..

wawal..sori eh adek aku ingt kau pompuan..hahahaha..but i trust u cud take care of my sis at sch..wit lotsa idiots arnd..

wat a long wait for an interview..wen will i strt werk..??rocker aka missy..weird!!
i just cant wait for the interview..though the feeling sucks..but i die2 wanna werk at the hosp before i go for my national service..

things has not been good since chalet..i dunno wen will be the time guys gather and talk...
like the knights of the round table..no more soccer on sundays..no more riding as a group..no more gatherings..no longer the one strength..

2007-04-09T11:58:00.000+08:00

we'll hey2!!
i know its kinda taking such a long time to talk abt the recent chalet...
but i tink itz ok..
my classmate was just opposite my chalet..

there were couple of stuffs tht happened..
whats happening to us?

well watever happened ..it just has to happen..
i'll upload sum of the pics soon..

cya